Temperaments: Part 3 - My Very Own Phlegmatic

My husband, the Phlegmatic - He is the opposite of me! (duh!) I wish that I had understood him better in the earliest years of our marriage. I feel that I would have been more encouraging and appreciative.

Ed is easy-going, calm (even when he is excited on the inside), peace-loving, good under pressure (except when one of our kids had an accident that involved blood) and happily reconciled to life. You might say - who wouldn't want to be married to this guy - Exactly! But, in the early years of our marriage I didn't understand that his lack of enthusiasm didn't mean that he wasn't excited. I wanted him to jump up and down and go crazy sometimes. But he just couldn't. I had a picture that perfectly portrayed this. We had just come home from the hospital with our newborn daughter, Jennifer. We had 2 boys (Chris and Brian) and we were so excited to have a girl. When we arrived home I took a picture of Ed holding Jenn with the boys on each side of him. His face was completely "expressionless". I wanted it to reflect the excitement we were feeling. He has said to me through the years – “Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean I’m not excited.”

Florence Litauer, in her book, Personality Plus, says that Phlegmatics are the closet thing to being a balanced person: one who does not function in the extremes or excesses of life, but walks solidly down the middle road, avoiding conflict on either side. He does not often offend or call attention to himself (you won’t see his picture on the church billboard) and he quickly does what is expected of him without looking for credit. Phlegmatics also often have great administrative skills.

The really cool thing is that these very traits are what makes him a great pastor. He exemplifies the passage that says “When at all possible, live in peace with one another.” He can diffuse conflict and can be a great listener. He can show compassion to those who are hurting and bring words of peace to a marriage in trouble.

My very own phlegmatic brings calm to my craziness. He reassures me when I can’t achieve the perfection I was striving for. He brings order to my over-committed lifestyle. He loves me and protects me. He is generous and selfless. He is always looking out for my best interest or the best interest of his children and grandchildren. This family would not be what it is without the deep love and the peaceful balance that he brings.

Everyone should have a phlegmatic of their very own!