Closing up Shop

 

Carroll's house has sold. 

The house is completely empty. 

When Carroll was getting sicker I use to go through the house at night, turning off lights and locking doors. 

She called it “closing up shop”. 

This was my final “closing up shop”. 

Last time in her house. 

I left my key.

Last time to turn the lock and walk in.

What a journey! 

I have learned in the past and am learning all over again that the journey of grief has so many "lasts".  Just when you claim "closure", you are hit with another "last".

I am asking the Lord to help me live in those short few seconds and think about what it really means to me.

Right now I'm in a place to receive it, let it have it's meaning over me, treasure it and then just let it be.  

Don't fight it.

Don't over think it.

Invite Jesus to walk you through it and keep on moving.

Caring for My Soul

 Sorry for being away the past couple of months.

I have been overwhelmed with the final stages of clearing my friend's home. Over the past 5 months I have literally touched all of her belongings - the things that made her who she was - reflections of her kindness and generosity; the way she loved her friends and her home. She loved to decorate for holidays.  She loved a good party. She had a saucy sense of humor.  I was reminded of that as I looked through her greeting card box.  Some of those cards were hilarious! Some of those cards already had names on them.

Today, the house is empty.  It is the reality of a life that has ended.

The FOR SALE sign will be placed in her yard today.  It's over!

And now I realize that I am finally truly grieving the loss of my friend, and the loss of our dreams and plans.  

It has been a surprising grief because I had convinced myself that I was doing pretty good job dealing with the loss.  

But now I must face it and FEEL it.  If you are grieving over any kind of loss - big or small, it is imperative that you let yourself feel it.  If something moves you to tears, then stop and have a good cry.

I recently read an article written by John Eldredge on Soul Care.  In the last few years of my ministry, I spoke often about the importance of Soul Care and learning to recognize the symptoms of a weary, dry and damaged soul and most importantly, how to nurture our souls.  John, specifically referring to grief, spoke of how often we neglect our souls in the season of grief - we live with an unattended soul.

Look at me.  I know these things.  I've taught these things and practiced soul care.  But not now.  I'm starting over.

John Eldredge said-

Allow your soul to feel. Don’t tell it what to feel; it knows what to do. Just give it permission.

This week I have cried over text messages, and cried hard when we saw the Reagan movie, and when I watched the news.  Yes, some of those things were sad.  But my soul was saying, "let yourself feel it all".

My challenge to you is to take the time to become aware and present to your soul and the losses that have pushed aside for another day. 

Let's do this together!  Find those places, grieve them, give words to them and then invite Jesus to come in and bring healing over your soul.