Saturday, October 13, 2007

I Kissed Dating Goodbye?


I need to start this by saying that if you are not already praying for your child’s future spouse, you need to begin now. There is no greater reward than spending years praying for God’s perfect choice of a mate for your child and then seeing that become a reality. God is big enough to bring your child and HIS choice of a mate together regardless of any circumstances – dating or no dating! I am four down and one more to go!

What good comes from dating? Teenage/High School relationships are taken way too seriously and there is now, seemingly, an automatic expectation for sex. Remember, I see teenage girls everyday and I hear way too much. I used to ask girls if they were single - meaning "not married". I have learned that single now means "I am not currently in a relationship". This may seem trivial but it is no longer okay with girls to be "single". I found this to be an important new trend in the teenage culture. When I ask girls if they are single they are almost always offended and quickly respond as if their very existence depends on that answer.

I spend time talking to these girls about learning to love and respect themselves and understanding that they do not NEED a relationship. The culture today tells them they are a “nobody” unless they have a boyfriend. What they need is God!

Because most dating now includes an expectation to have sex, there is less thought given to the decision of whether a teen will have sex with someone. Sex is casual for these kids. They don't even have to have a "relationship" to have sex with someone. They will have sex with "friends".

What all this means is that the culture has changed since my older kids started dating. Sex is casual, free, and found in many different settings - relationships, friends, groups, parties. Our teenagers today have lost all modesty - absolutely no inhibitions. They will have sex just about any place.

I’m sure this is way more info than you really wanted. But I believe that we have to begin to come face to face with reality and what the world is saying to our kids.

Christian kids are just as likely now to have sex than a non-Christian. The stats are pretty scary – there is virtually no difference between Christian and non-Christians as they make decisions to become involved in sexual activity. This does not just mean sexual intercourse. Oral sex is rampant now and has even been seen in kids as young as fourth grade. This is happening with younger kids because they are exposed to sex so much earlier.

I don’t mean to scare you but it is time to not only teach our kids the truth – the details – but more importantly, we must shepherd our kids hearts toward God so they will have hearts that will help them make decisions that are God-honoring.

We cannot protect our kids forever but we can prepare them for what they will face in the world.

I believe that we may have to take extreme measures to protect our kids and eliminating traditional dating may be one of those measures.
I loved watching my kids in their teenage years hang out with groups of friends. They had so much fun together and they learned a lot about male/female dynamics and relationship issues without the pressures and temptations of being alone. Alone is no longer okay. I’m not sure it ever was okay.

I use to tell my kids when confronted with questions about their curfew – “nothing good happens after midnight!”. That still holds true today but it probably can be taken a step further to say “there is little good that happens when you are alone”.

I am praying for you Moms as you find ways to prepare your kids for these issues without taking away the fact that sex is a gift from God for marriage.

3 comments:

Jennifer Bacak said...

Thanks Mom. I don't think we have an accurate picture of what's really going on out there, and it's painful to hear it. But we are totally re-evaluating how we see dating and purity, as evidenced by the discussion on my blog right now. I'm excited to see God change my generation of parents hearts on this topic!
jenn

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure how I got to your blog (I started off one place and ended up here. The internet is a tangled maze), but this post was very eye opening and encouraging. I have young daughters, only 8 and 5. You reminded me to step up my intercessory prayer for their husbands and their purity. The teen years will be here before I know it!

Georgia Mom

Steve said...

I would caution anyone reading Harris's books that he doesn't share some of the problems (if any) that have occurred with the system he is promoting.

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